Coping

Copyright 2008 Soderman Consulting

Last weekend, I attended a mandated seminar by the county on parenting through a divorce. Appropriately, these are called COPE classes. These classes are mandatory for anyone divorcing who has a child that will be affected by the divorce.

So here I was, on a warm Saturday morning, sitting in the lecture hall of a library waiting for the seminar to start. Around me were individuals of differing ages, from both genders. Some looked relieved to be there, others like they were being held at gunpoint.

I was surprised by how many people there were in attendance. I don't know if this class was typical, but there were 30-40 people in attendance. This means 30-40 families and at least as many kids were being affected by divorce. They hold this class multiple times each week. Over the course of the month, this means hundreds of families touched by the end of a marriage.

The class was administered by two professionals in social work and psychology, both of whom have also been divorced, and have helped hundreds - if not thousands - of others through the over 15-year-old program.

The stats are staggering. Over 50% divorce rate in the US, many of which involve children. So much so that if current trends continue, single parent homes will surpass the number of two-parent homes. And those kids are what the COPE program is all about.

Their focus, from start to finish, is on the kids. According to their statistics, divorce only really had a lasting effect on 20% of the kids involved. But how do you know your kid is in the 80% unaffected?

You don't. And that's the point of the seminar. You may not see the signs of how they are affected for years. In fact, some folks may not manifest the signs until well into adulthood, when relationships of their own suffer. Such is the legacy of divorce on a child. So the class is designed to help you understand how a child might be affected, what signs to look for, and how to minimize the negative effects of divorce on your kids.

Many jurisdictions now make this type of seminar mandatory, and all should. The information is valuable and a vital to helping us raise our children in a healthy manner in spite of a divorce. But they should go further. The coping skills required are difficult to learn in such an emotional charged and painful situation. They should mandate the adults go through such a seminar to deal with each other in this situation. Many folks go into divorce looking not to separate from their spouse, but to punish them. The only ones that win are the attorneys.

Parents who are considering divorce should really attend one of these classes, whether mandated or not. You don't need to go together, but you should go. These classes, and the great folks that run them, will help you get through one of the most traumatic experiences anyone can go through, and come out ok on the other side.

 

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Rock Lobster

One way I've made the morning commute more interesting is to put some songs on my iPod that Carolyn might like. I figured this would be an easy and fun way to pass the time. The playlist is Carolyn Fun, and it has a wide variety of music. For example, I found an old harmonica of mine and gave it to her, and now she can (basically) play Billy Joel's "Piano Man". She's darned close on the chorus, and it's a hoot to listen to her play along.

Her next conquest - to my surprise, was "Rock Lobster" by the B52s. She not only has most of the lyrics down, but the sound effects as well. When they say "in flew a sea robin", she follows it with the requisite "lalalalalala". And she gets a kick out of the "bakin' potatoes, bakin' in the sun" line.

Other faves include Smashmouth's "AllStar" (it was featured in Shrek), "Cuban Pete" by Desi Arnaz, and "Banana Boat Song" by Harry Belafonte. Of course, she gets on one and I have to play it two or three times before we get to school, but it just makes for a happier trip.

If you've got a fair commute each morning, try coming up with your own set of faves to get your energy up. It's hard to listen to Rock Lobster without at least tapping your feet!

"Look out for that piranha!"

(By the way, click on the fun image above. If you know the song, you'll find the images perfect!)

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Something Interesting While Googling

I was putting together a bio for myself, for a freelance writing application. I was looking to see the earliest reference I could find of myself on the 'Net (1994 , if you're curious), when I came across an interesting hit.

Apparently, there's a ship in the US fleet named the Soderman, a Large, Medium-Speed, Roll-on, Roll-Off ship used for transporting an Army Armor Task Force including 58 tanks, 48 other track vehicles and more than 900 trucks and other wheeled vehicles. Basically, it's a converted supercargo ship.

It's named after US Army Private First Class William A. Soderman. He was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for risking his life to save others during World War II. This intrigued me, so I decided to do a little more digging. This is what his citation reads:

Armed with a bazooka, he defended a key road junction near Rocherath, Belgium, on 17 December 1944, during the German Ardennes counteroffensive.

After a heavy artillery barrage had wounded and forced the withdrawal of his assistant, he heard enemy tanks approaching the position where he calmly waited in the gathering darkness of early evening until the 5 Mark V tanks which made up the hostile force were within pointblank range. He then stood up, completely disregarding the firepower that could be brought to bear upon him, and launched a rocket into the lead tank, setting it afire and forcing its crew to abandon it as the other tanks pressed on before Pfc. Soderman could reload.

The daring bazookaman remained at his post all night under severe artillery, mortar, and machinegun fire, awaiting the next onslaught, which was made shortly after dawn by 5 more tanks. Running along a ditch to meet them, he reached an advantageous point and there leaped to the road in full view of the tank gunners, deliberately aimed his weapon and disabled the lead tank. The other vehicles, thwarted by a deep ditch in their attempt to go around the crippled machine, withdrew.

While returning to his post Pfc. Soderman, braving heavy fire to attack an enemy infantry platoon from close range, killed at least 3 Germans and wounded several others with a round from his bazooka. By this time, enemy pressure had made Company K's position untenable. Orders were issued for withdrawal to an assembly area, where Pfc. Soderman was located when he once more heard enemy tanks approaching. Knowing that elements of the company had not completed their disengaging maneuver and were consequently extremely vulnerable to an armored attack, he hurried from his comparatively safe position to meet the tanks.

Once more he disabled the lead tank with a single rocket, his last; but before he could reach cover, machinegun bullets from the tank ripped into his right shoulder. Unarmed and seriously wounded he dragged himself along a ditch to the American lines and was evacuated.

Through his unfaltering courage against overwhelming odds, Pfc. Soderman contributed in great measure to the defense of Rocherath, exhibiting to a superlative degree the intrepidity and heroism with which American soldiers met and smashed the savage power of the last great German offensive.

To me, this sounds like movie stuff. The guy stood up to a tank not once, not twice, but three times. It really reads like a movie script.

It's quite possible that he is related. And if so, it's an honor.

A Good Laugh...

Baby's First ROFL - More amazing videos are a click away
Baby's First ROFL I was stumbling around tonight for one more to thing to write about before going to bed and came across this. I defy you not to laugh along with this kid. He has one of the most infectious laughs I have heard in a long time. If you aren't grinning from ear to ear by the time this video finishes, you either have no heart, or you're Dick Cheney. Which, come to think of it, is redundant.

Watch the video, giggle along, and smile.

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Adventures in Roadtripping, Vol. 5 - Heading Home

We woke up on Thursday morning to find it snowing - and to a phone call from Melissa's dad telling us we should get on the road.

It didn't look bad from the hotel window, but we fired up Google Earth and could see the storm was big and moving down from Montana. We got packed up, got everything ready to go, and I started moving bags out to the car. That's when I saw what we couldn't see from the hotel window - It had already dropped 1.5-2 inches of snow.

While Melissa got Carolyn and the bags ready, I made the trips out to the car, brushing off the powder and loading up the back. We checked out of the hotel, and headed over to Melissa's folks to repack the car and load the pups in.

Arriving in their neighborhood we could see that the snow was getting heavier. Plows hadn't gotten out yet, and any tracks in the snow were quickly filled up. We pulled the Hummer into their garage, where her dad David had turned on a heater, and started the process of final packing. The jigsaw puzzle of bags and blankets was fit together, and we loaded Carolyn and the dogs in to start the trip home. We said our goodbyes and pulled out.

The road was fine at first, but blowing and drifting snow got heavier. The snowfall itself wasn't bad, but the wind was driving the snow strongly. The patterns of blowing snow across the road were almost hypnotic, and gave the illusion of traveling across a stream. Melissa drove all the way to Casper, and a little farther. The weather seemed to be clearing up, and Melissa's hip was hurting a bit, so we stopped at a rest area to switch.

I've driven in some pretty nasty snow before, which was a good thing, because we were about to hit some ugly stuff.

Just outside of Rawlins, we hit some strong winds and heavy blowing snow. Click the play button in the middle of the video to the left to see what it was like. The truck in front of us would completely disappear, then reappear, even when it was only three car lengths ahead of us. We were travelling at about 25 mph.

Temperature outside was 0 degrees and the wind was about 20-25 mph, so it made for a very cold very unfriendly arrival in Rawlins. We stopped at the local Taco Bell to gas up and get some grub, but even the dogs had no real desire to get out. They jumped out, did their business and high-tailed it back into the car.

Once we left Rawlins, the road improved dramatically. Sure, there was still blowing snow, but the wind lessened and the snow got lighter. We were 15-20 minutes away from Evanston, WY, where we planned on staying the night, we Carolyn announced that she needed to go potty. The wind is still blowing, it's still colder than a witch's you-know-what, but she can't hold it.

We pulled off the highway at the next exit, found a wide spot in the road, and Melissa proceeded to help Carolyn pull down her pants for her first experience in dropping trou for an emergency potty stop.

Carolyn had picked up the phrase "freezing my butt off". Here, she put it to practice. It was blowing and cold, and her naked bottom was out there. Not even the dogs wanted out.

We made our way into Evanston, and stayed at a hotel that Melissa was familiar with and that would not involve dodging the anti-pet commandos. We grabbed a bit to eat, and settled in for the night with a light snow falling outside.

The next morning, Melissa called her mom. Looks like we left at just the right time, as they had received about 2 feet of snow in the past 24 hours, and had closed the roads after we left. Has we stayed until Friday as planned, we likely would not have been able to leave until Saturday. We loaded up, grabbed a quick breakfast, and headed out.

On the way up, Melissa had mentioned about the Olympic ski jumps at Park City, and we decided to shoot by there on the way home. As we pulled onto the road for the Olympic Park, I noticed a sign that let us know that the World Junior Luge Championships were in progress. This is a sport that has always fascinated me, and this was an opportunity to see something few people get to see.

We pulled up to the park headquarters and museum, and Melissa let the dogs out to run while I got some information. While we may have dodged the pet militia in Evanston, the leader of the stormtroopers must have moved to Park City. This guy came out of the building very forcefully alerting Melissa that pets were NOT ALLOWED on the property. Melissa wrangled them back in, and we gathered Carolyn and headed out to the luge track.

The luge track is the same as the bobsled run, with different starting points. These are juniors which mean teens who are flying down the ice track at about 50-70 mph at about 1-2 inches off the ice. These guys whiz by you in the blink of an eye. I was able to catch one guy zipping by with my digital camera (just click the play button in the middle of the video)

After watching a few lugers make their run, we headed back to the museum. The luge competition would be on break for 1/2 an hour, and the dogs were still in the car.

The museum had some great exhibits. Upstairs, the exhibits were specifically related to the Olympics. Carolyn was especially interested in the headdresses and costumes that were worn during the opening ceremonies.

In one case was a display of the different medals awarded. They really are beautiful, and you don't get to see them up close like this very often.

Downstairs, the museum had exhibits on skiing, with explanations of why the powder in UT is so light and great for skiing. There were a couple of displays we all played with, like the ski jump simulator and the simulated downhill ski run. There was one that really had the potential to get your adrenaline flowing - the avalanche simulator. You stood in front of a display with the image of a canyon, and when you pressed a button, you saw what happened when an avalanche came roaring down. Even though you knew it was a simulation, it still got your heart to race a bit.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, just a simple run down I-15. As we got further south, we had to keep stripping layers off, with the temperature at the start of the day at 15 degrees, and by mid-afternoon, in the 50s. Carolyn watched her videos, Melissa and I talked, and we made our way home.

All in all, this was a great trip, and Melissa's folks are good, kind people. With any luck, we'll be able to make the trip again in the summer, and see what the area looks like in warm weather.

Adventures in Roadtripping, Vol 4. - Mato Tipila

We woke up to a beautiful day, albeit cold. Today's trip was out to Devils Tower. Spielberg or sci-fi fans will recognize it as the "landing site" for the UFOs in "Close Encounters", the monolith that Richard Dreyfus carved out of mashed potatoes.

Outside, it was a brisk 15 degrees. We headed east to the monument, around an hour and a half away. About half the trip was on good but snowy roads. Traveling in the Melissa's Hummer, it was a fairly comfortable ride.

When you get about 10 miles out, you start seeing this thumb of rock sticking up from the landscape. It really is remarkable.

The Native American legends on the creation of the tower vary, but my favorite is a Sioux legend of two boys who had wandered far from home when Mato the bear, an immense beast saw them and decided they might be a tasty treat. The boys, terrified, prayed to their creator to save them. They rose up on a huge rock, and try as he might, Mato could not reach them, leaving his claw marks on all sides of the rock. Looking at the tower, you can see how the legend came alive.

When we arrived at the monument, we pulled up to the Ranger Station to get more information. Carolyn was looking forward to getting her fourth Junior Ranger badge, but the Visitor Center is closed during the winter months. Luckily, the ranger at the Ranger Station was incredibly helpful, and was able to give all the Junior Ranger materials before we headed up to the base of the tower. She also recommended a great spot to get a shot of the tower.

We drove up the short road to the parking area, spotting a few whitetail deer on the way. Melissa pulled the Hummer into a parking space, but decided to move it to a closer spot next to the telescopes. As she put the vehicle in reverse, I blurted out "STOP". Directly in front of us, perhaps 50 feet away, were two deer laying in the snow. I slowly got out of the vehicle with my camera and got about 20 feet closer. I got a few good shots before they started getting nervous, got up, and walked up the hill. The snow was too deep and the trail covered, so I got back in the Hummer and we moved to the other side of the parking area.

Carolyn looked around for the items to check off in her Junior Ranger book, and we admired the the majesty of this site sacred to so many Native Americans. She even looked through the telescope to see if she could see the "crystals" on the mountain (the crystals are feldspar crystals formed when the rock cooled).

But we couldn't stay long. It was less than 10 degrees out, and a light breeze was making it colder, and tougher to stay out. We loaded back into the Yukon, with Carolyn a bit disappointed that she had seen very few of the things in her Junior Ranger book.

We headed back down the road and turned off to the location the ranger mentioned for a picture. And the ranger was right - the location provided a dramatic, open shot of Devils Tower. I got a couple of shots off, and we started back down the road.

One of the items Carolyn needed was a butterfly, and though it's technically *not* a butterfly, we did see a moth, so she checked it off. Just a few yards down the road, we came across a deer about 30 feet up the hillside. He stood still, even holding hi ground as we slowly backed up to get a better shot. I'll post it as soon as I get the film developed, but I expect that will be one of the more dramatic shots I've taken of deer. Carolyn was able to say goodbye to him before we continued, and she added another checkmark.

A little farther on, we saw a lone squirrel, yet another checkmark, and that brought us back to the ranger station. We stopped for a minute, and I checked Carolyn's book, asked her a few questions about what she saw, then pulled out her official Junior Ranger certificate (already filled out by the ranger), and her new Devils Tower Ranger badge. She really gets a kick out of getting these badges!

We then started out to Hulett, WY, for lunch. It's a small town with a lot of lumber (it's where Melissa's folks go to get firewood), and we stopped at a small cafe to grab a bite.

The place was rustic, but homey feeling. We were seated in a new addition at a HUGE wooden table. I love stopping at little places off the beaten path as, more often than not, I'm surprised at the quality of the food. I am delighted to say that this place was no exception.

The girls ordered cheeseburgers, and I ordered chicken-fried chicken. When the food came out we realized we might be in for a treat. The servings were large, undoubtedly to cater to the hungry local crowd. Neither Melissa, Carolyn, nor Marvell were able to finish. The fries were delicious, and the onion rings Melissa got were tasty and sweet. My lunch was great, with juicy chicken fillets in a crunchy breading. The mashed potatoes and gravy matched the chicken.

And the best part? The whole meal for all four of us was about $30 bucks, including sodas/coffee. A steal considering the quality of the meal. If you ever head out to Devils Tower, take the short little trip to Hulett and get yourself a great meal.

On the trip back to Gillette, we got to see more deer, and a couple of huge flocks of wild turkeys (the gobbling kind, not the drinking kind). The view was beautiful with snowy hills broken by tall pines and the occasional farm house.

As we approached the interstate, I turned my GPS on, and found that right next to I-90 was a geocache. It was located within the fenced in area of a Rest Area, and I found it quickly. Carolyn got a necklace out of it. A quick check of the GPS showed another on the way home, so Melissa made her way there as well. This one required trudging through a bit of a snow drift to find, and it scored Carolyn a little green cloth bag.

By this point, we were five minutes from Melissa's folks house. We got settled in there, and once everyone was in, Melissa and I went for a drive around town to see more of Gillette. She showed me the airport, and a neighborhood with an interesting story. Once a growing subdivision, it now is almost abandoned due to high methane gas levels. Apparently, nearby coal mining activity may have caused some underground shifting that allowed the gas to seep at dangerous levels. The Rawhide neighborhood was evacuated in 1987 and there still seem to be a few residents, but is is a little eerie.

We headed across the road to a new elementary school and a development with a large open area in the middle of it. And grazing there, a small herd of deer.

We headed back to her folks house, and her dad wanted to take us out to dinner. We headed to the Golden Corral, a fairly good buffet. Carolyn was plenty happy - they had pizza there. That kid can pack pizza away. If she could, she'd have it 7 days a week, three meals a day.

After dinner and a quick stop at Melissa's folks house, we headed back to the hotel. We had heard weather reports warning of a real cold blast coming in, so I fired up the laptop and Google Earth to see if I could get some info. I was able to find National Weather Service information that showed the storm in Western Montana but heading our direction. We settled in for the night, with the thought that we might need to leave a day early.

Adventures in Roadtripping, Vol. 3 - Hanging Out

Day 3 was destined to be a catch-up day. The girls (Melissa, Carolyn and Marvell) had planned on making it a shopping and grooming day, hitting the local discount stores and getting their hair done.


Me - I slept in a bit, then got up and tried to work online. The connection at the hotel was sporadic. To top it off, I had Melissa's laptop and tried to access my work email and while I could read, I couldn't respond due to my work mailbox being full. This, of course, makes no real sense to me, as sending responses to emails are how I get emails out of my Inbox. I can only archive them from my workstation at work, so I can't do much to open up space.

Having failed at trying to work while on vacation, I turned back to my ailing computer. When last we checked in, it was dead. Kaput. Finito. Being stubborn as a mule, I decided that wouldn't be enough. I tried firing it up again, to no avail. Then an odd thought hit me. I plugged everything in as it was the last time it worked. When I pushed the power button, lo and behold, it sprang to life. I felt like Frankenstein rejoicing over his monster. I proceeded to wait until it had completely powered up, unplugged the devices I had just plugged in, and rebooted. It rebooted without a problem. Whooping ensued.

I spent the rest of the day catching up on email, fantasy hockey, blogs - the important stuff. Melissa came by and picked me up, and we headed over to her folks house for dinner. Marvell had put together a delicious dinner of liver and onions, something I never get enough of. I was starved, as I had tried the cafe at the hotel for lunch. It's never a good sign when the "fish" entree is fish sticks shaped like stars...and that's the good looking item.

Melissa decided to stay the night at her folks place, as she hadn't been feeling well and it would allow her to sleep in. A late wake-up for Carolyn is 7:30, so Melissa staying at her folks would afford her an extra hour or two. After dinner, I took Carolyn back to the hotel and got her into bed, and spent the next few hours online. I did some searching for geocaches in the area, and prepped the files I needed for some searching the next day.

If you're not familiar with geocaching, check out the site Geocaching.com. Basically, geocaching is like a high-tech treasure hunt, using a handheld GPS and information from the Internet. The "treasures" are boxes or canisters ranging from 35mm film canisters to old Army boxes. Inside you'll find, at a minimum, a paper log on which to record your find, and perhaps some little trinkets to trade for. It's a lot of fun, gets you out into the fresh air for some exercise, and takes you to some places you might not have otherwise visited.

I hit the sack for the night, ready for the next day.

When I awoke, I connected the GPS to the computer to download the files. No luck. I tried connecting the broadband modem, also with no luck. Apparently, whatever caused the computer to not fire up with them disconnected was now causing them not to be recognized. Realizing I had to get out of the hotel and over to Melissa's folks house, I emailed the files to Melissa's computer, hoping there might be a connection there somehow.

Sure enough, there was indeed a wireless connection, albeit weak. As a side note, for those of you with wireless access at home, be sure to set them up as secure connections. The only reason we were able to connect was because someone nearby had an unsecured connection. This could be used by someone with nefarious intentions to cause trouble, using their Internet connection to disguise their activity. In this case, it helped me get access to the file I sent to Melissa. Using her computer, I was able to connect the GPS and prepare for the trip to Devils Tower the next day.

We spent Day 4 running around Gillette, learning about the town, the neighborhood, and hitting more discount stores. It had been snowing steadily, but not terribly heavily, all night, and the roads were a bit mucky. We did hit one store, Robb's, which is basically a salvage store. From what I understand, they buy loads that have been damaged in transit, much of which is usually still good. I picked up some razors and 35mm film at a fraction of the usual price. We also hit Value Villa, another bastion of thriftiness in Gillette. Here, the main stock in trade is used clothes, some of which are in basically new condition. If you're looking for some clothes at a super bargain price, it's worth the trip.

We spent the afternoon teaching Carolyn how to play Husker Du, a memory game like concentration where the goal is to remember where different symbols are on the board and match them up with each other. After Carolyn played Marvell, it was my turn. At which point Melissa decided to beat up on me. They say the memory is the first to go. I can't remember what the second is.

Husker Du gave way to another perennial cutthroat favorite, Uno. This diabolical little card game requires the players to leave all semblance of civility behind and work at destroying the players next to them in pursuit of emptying their hands of colored cards. In other words, a family game.

Dinner was a delicious pot roast and as we ate the snow started to fall. We began wondering if the trip to Devils Tower was going to work at all. But we'd leave that for the next day. Melissa stayed the night again, and Carolyn and I headed back to the hotel for the night.