Mollie - the new addition

Mollie
Originally uploaded by lsoderman

Finally got Mollie to sit still for a picture!

Mollie has this uncanny knack of being able to tell when her picture is about to be taken. As soon as you get her in focus, she gets up and moves. Somehow, she managed to stay put this time. I think she was really pooped and wasn't going to get up for anything.

She's a sweet dog with very soft fur. She had all the fur cut back right after we got her, and it's starting to grow in. She has a very light tan fur undercoat, but the longer hairs are black and gray, so she's starting to darken up.

She's been doing very well at home, but had a bit of trouble back at Melissa's folks house with their dogs, which got Mollie uninvited for future visits. We'll see how THAT goes.

Goodbye is the saddest word

I'm new at these post, so bear with me. Leo is the one who has a gift for writing. He has always 'bugged' me to write on here, but I just never felt I could put into words what I'm thinking. I still don't think I can, but I figured I'd give it a shot.

Leo wrote a post on the 6th talking about Maggie and how saying good-bye is never easy. Last night, we had to say our final good-bye to Maggie. No matter how much we plan things out, God always has the final word. I had hoped to let Maggie be put to sleep at the house, surrounded by family. She had been going to the vets every week for the past 6-10 months. I just wanted the final time to be in a calming environment when she drew her last breath on Friday morning. But, God had other plans.

Maggie had deteriorated quickly over the past 3 days. By Wednesday morning, she was no longer able to stand on her own. I know she was frustrated because she was independent....like me. She wanted to do it on her own. I took her out to go potty, but she couldn't go. On Thursday morning I woke to find that she had soiled her bed. I know how humiliated and frustrated she must have been, as she had tried to move off her bed. I cleaned her up and gave her lots of kisses. For the rest of the day she would have potty accidents, and each time I would clean her up and give her lots of kisses. She never once cried out in pain, but rather in frustration because she was alert and knew that she wasn't able to do what she needed to do.

As night came, I had a few people over to the house...Paul, her 'poppy' for many years, "Auntie" Amy who lived with us for a while and gave her a lot of TLC, and Lynne...Maggie's guardian angel, who came over each day at noon to give her medicine. After everyone left, my parents, Leo, Oliver & Sippi (the other dogs), and I....carrying Maggie, went to sit on the porch. We talked and laughed about her past antics. We were happy, even though we knew what was to come the next morning....but God had other plans.

As we were sitting there, Maggie started twitching like she does when she's in a deep sleep. However, this escalated into something like never before. She started seizing....hard and violent. I just held and comforted her. By the time it was done, she was spent. With her tongue hanging out and my urine soaked pants, I knew it was time for that final good-bye. I called Dr. Chinn and made arrangements to meet at the vet office. I went to change my pants while my mom sat with Maggie on the ottoman. When I came out Maggie started howling in a way that I can't describe. It was one of pain, frustration, and fear all rolled into one.

We loaded up the Hummer, with Leo driving, my parents in the car, and Maggie and me in the very back. That 15 minute drive was the longest, most heart wrenching drive of my life. Her howling echoing throughout the car, breaking my heart a little more each time. Feeling guilty because I wanted to wait until Friday and now here she was in pain and terrified of what she was feeling...or not feeling. As we arrived at the vets, we had to wait a few minutes for the doctor to arrive. Seeing Maggie laying on her side, no control of her bowels, and the tip of her tongue dried because she hadn't been able to put it back into her mouth was...can't think of a word, but I kept telling her it would be over shortly and she would be free of pain.

Once the doctor arrived, I carried her back to the place she hated to visit...the prep room. As the doctor prepared the sedation medicine and euthanasia medicine, we comforted her, telling her how loved she was. She had a hard time seeing, but her sense of smell was still powerful. When I moved away to sign the final papers, she began howling again. I put my hand over her snout and that immediately calmed her. I didn't move that hand until the very end. I had always told her I would be the last face she ever saw, and I kept that promise. At 10:10, she was gone. She was in a better place, free of pain, and able to play like she used to. We stayed with her while Dr. Chinn prepared the rest of the paperwork, and when it came time to put her in the bag, I was there to help. She will be cremated and her ashes will be kept with me, spreading some in Wyoming on the land she loved to run, chasing rabbits and getting sprayed by skunks.

Good-bye Magnolia, Pooh Bear, Pookie Bear, Maggie May...the list is long. She touched so many lives and I can say with certainty, she put a smile on everyone's face. She is something special and who ever she is with now, is so lucky to have her by their side! Thank you for being a part of my life and I love you SO much!

Saying Goodbye

I've always wanted a dog. My mom didn't like them. My dad would tolerate them, but wasn't a huge fan. My ex-wife is afraid of them. So I haven't really had a dog of my own.

When I met Melissa and the pups, I finally was able to have dogs. Sort of. Let's face it, they're Melissa's pooches. I'm just getting to know them.

Maggie is the older of the two. Melissa found Maggie in a Mississippi truck stop, abandoned as a pup. Ever since, they have been companions. Maggie has been there for Melissa through tough times and good times, always a gentle, calm, loving friend.

I liked Maggie and Oliver as soon as I met them. Oliver's the younger, excitable pup who wants to play every time you walk in the door. Maggie, on the other hand, has a sweet, lovable demeanor, happy to just get a scratch or some attention, but who occasionally would join in Oliver's games, chasing him around the house until she was gassed.

But Maggie's an older pup, and her health has slowly been failing over the last 18 months. About this time last year, we took Maggie with us to California to visit the beach for the first time in her life. She has a great time romping around the sand. At that time, we didn't think she'd make it to the end of the year.

She surprised us, and for a while, she seemed to be getting better. But in the last few months, her health has taken a turn for the worse. Maggie's health has been progressively deteriorating, with her liver and kidneys starting to fail and arthritis making her hips weak and making it hard for her to manage the stairs in the house.

Melissa has done everything she can, from medications to acupuncture. We've even given given her fluids by way of a subcutaneous needle multiple times a week. I developed a knack for getting the needle in the right spot for a quick drip. And Maggie tolerated all of it. Yes, sometimes she would hide in the bedroom when it was time for the drip, or head downstairs when Melissa was ready to give Maggie her meds. But she never lost her sweet disposition, and she seemed to understand that it was all being done to take care of her.

In the end, it's not enough. Melissa had told the vet to let her know when it was time, when Maggie was in enough pain or discomfort that it would be wrong to keep going. Last week, Dr. Chin said "It's time." Melissa had to make the difficult decision to put Maggie down. On this coming Friday, Maggie's vet will come to the house to euthanize Maggie at home, in a place where she's comfortable, around family. Melissa's folks will be here to say goodbye. Over the past few days, Maggie has been going around to friends' houses to say goodbye. In a few more, the rest of us will say goodbye as well.

When I started this blog, I picked a name that I thought was fitting to our lives. With two pups, Carolyn and Melissa, the name was pretty simple. I don't think I'll change it. Even in the short time I've known her, Maggie has been an integral part of our lives as a family, and I think it would be appropriate to leave it as is.

I took the picture above this morning at the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign. As usual, she put up with us posing her, getting her in the right position for the shot, still as sweet as ever.

I always wanted a dog. I'm glad I got to know Maggie.

Because I Needed Another Way To Spend My Time...

This could be trouble

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Happy St. Patrick's Day!

To all of our friends, I thought I'd send this little St. Patty's day wish.

This is the second year in a row that I have been able to get a picture of Carolyn with Brian, the guy who dresses up like a leprechaun at O'Sheas. He's a great guy, and fun to be around.

To commemorate the day, I thought I'd share a couple of Irish Blessings... and a joke or two:

May you be half an hour in Heaven
Before the Devil knows you're dead.

Jimmy-Joe finds a Genie lamp and rubs it. Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like"

Jimmy-Joe scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty. "Granted master" retorted the Genie and produced the bottle. Jimmy-Joe was delighted and got drunk on this one magic Guinness bottle for weeks then he remembered that he had two other wishes. He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared. "Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?" "You know that magic, never ending Guinness bottle" he asks the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two of them"

Whenever there is happiness
Hope you'll be there too,
Wherever there are friendly smiles
Hope they'll smile on you,
Whenever there is sunshine,
Hope it shine especially
For you to make each day for you
As bright as it can be.

Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Joey-Jim asked. "Well didn't ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

May your pockets be heavy-
Your heart be light
And may good luck pursue you
Each morning and night

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Coping

Copyright 2008 Soderman Consulting

Last weekend, I attended a mandated seminar by the county on parenting through a divorce. Appropriately, these are called COPE classes. These classes are mandatory for anyone divorcing who has a child that will be affected by the divorce.

So here I was, on a warm Saturday morning, sitting in the lecture hall of a library waiting for the seminar to start. Around me were individuals of differing ages, from both genders. Some looked relieved to be there, others like they were being held at gunpoint.

I was surprised by how many people there were in attendance. I don't know if this class was typical, but there were 30-40 people in attendance. This means 30-40 families and at least as many kids were being affected by divorce. They hold this class multiple times each week. Over the course of the month, this means hundreds of families touched by the end of a marriage.

The class was administered by two professionals in social work and psychology, both of whom have also been divorced, and have helped hundreds - if not thousands - of others through the over 15-year-old program.

The stats are staggering. Over 50% divorce rate in the US, many of which involve children. So much so that if current trends continue, single parent homes will surpass the number of two-parent homes. And those kids are what the COPE program is all about.

Their focus, from start to finish, is on the kids. According to their statistics, divorce only really had a lasting effect on 20% of the kids involved. But how do you know your kid is in the 80% unaffected?

You don't. And that's the point of the seminar. You may not see the signs of how they are affected for years. In fact, some folks may not manifest the signs until well into adulthood, when relationships of their own suffer. Such is the legacy of divorce on a child. So the class is designed to help you understand how a child might be affected, what signs to look for, and how to minimize the negative effects of divorce on your kids.

Many jurisdictions now make this type of seminar mandatory, and all should. The information is valuable and a vital to helping us raise our children in a healthy manner in spite of a divorce. But they should go further. The coping skills required are difficult to learn in such an emotional charged and painful situation. They should mandate the adults go through such a seminar to deal with each other in this situation. Many folks go into divorce looking not to separate from their spouse, but to punish them. The only ones that win are the attorneys.

Parents who are considering divorce should really attend one of these classes, whether mandated or not. You don't need to go together, but you should go. These classes, and the great folks that run them, will help you get through one of the most traumatic experiences anyone can go through, and come out ok on the other side.

 

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Rock Lobster

One way I've made the morning commute more interesting is to put some songs on my iPod that Carolyn might like. I figured this would be an easy and fun way to pass the time. The playlist is Carolyn Fun, and it has a wide variety of music. For example, I found an old harmonica of mine and gave it to her, and now she can (basically) play Billy Joel's "Piano Man". She's darned close on the chorus, and it's a hoot to listen to her play along.

Her next conquest - to my surprise, was "Rock Lobster" by the B52s. She not only has most of the lyrics down, but the sound effects as well. When they say "in flew a sea robin", she follows it with the requisite "lalalalalala". And she gets a kick out of the "bakin' potatoes, bakin' in the sun" line.

Other faves include Smashmouth's "AllStar" (it was featured in Shrek), "Cuban Pete" by Desi Arnaz, and "Banana Boat Song" by Harry Belafonte. Of course, she gets on one and I have to play it two or three times before we get to school, but it just makes for a happier trip.

If you've got a fair commute each morning, try coming up with your own set of faves to get your energy up. It's hard to listen to Rock Lobster without at least tapping your feet!

"Look out for that piranha!"

(By the way, click on the fun image above. If you know the song, you'll find the images perfect!)

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