Goodbye is the saddest word

I'm new at these post, so bear with me. Leo is the one who has a gift for writing. He has always 'bugged' me to write on here, but I just never felt I could put into words what I'm thinking. I still don't think I can, but I figured I'd give it a shot.

Leo wrote a post on the 6th talking about Maggie and how saying good-bye is never easy. Last night, we had to say our final good-bye to Maggie. No matter how much we plan things out, God always has the final word. I had hoped to let Maggie be put to sleep at the house, surrounded by family. She had been going to the vets every week for the past 6-10 months. I just wanted the final time to be in a calming environment when she drew her last breath on Friday morning. But, God had other plans.

Maggie had deteriorated quickly over the past 3 days. By Wednesday morning, she was no longer able to stand on her own. I know she was frustrated because she was independent....like me. She wanted to do it on her own. I took her out to go potty, but she couldn't go. On Thursday morning I woke to find that she had soiled her bed. I know how humiliated and frustrated she must have been, as she had tried to move off her bed. I cleaned her up and gave her lots of kisses. For the rest of the day she would have potty accidents, and each time I would clean her up and give her lots of kisses. She never once cried out in pain, but rather in frustration because she was alert and knew that she wasn't able to do what she needed to do.

As night came, I had a few people over to the house...Paul, her 'poppy' for many years, "Auntie" Amy who lived with us for a while and gave her a lot of TLC, and Lynne...Maggie's guardian angel, who came over each day at noon to give her medicine. After everyone left, my parents, Leo, Oliver & Sippi (the other dogs), and I....carrying Maggie, went to sit on the porch. We talked and laughed about her past antics. We were happy, even though we knew what was to come the next morning....but God had other plans.

As we were sitting there, Maggie started twitching like she does when she's in a deep sleep. However, this escalated into something like never before. She started seizing....hard and violent. I just held and comforted her. By the time it was done, she was spent. With her tongue hanging out and my urine soaked pants, I knew it was time for that final good-bye. I called Dr. Chinn and made arrangements to meet at the vet office. I went to change my pants while my mom sat with Maggie on the ottoman. When I came out Maggie started howling in a way that I can't describe. It was one of pain, frustration, and fear all rolled into one.

We loaded up the Hummer, with Leo driving, my parents in the car, and Maggie and me in the very back. That 15 minute drive was the longest, most heart wrenching drive of my life. Her howling echoing throughout the car, breaking my heart a little more each time. Feeling guilty because I wanted to wait until Friday and now here she was in pain and terrified of what she was feeling...or not feeling. As we arrived at the vets, we had to wait a few minutes for the doctor to arrive. Seeing Maggie laying on her side, no control of her bowels, and the tip of her tongue dried because she hadn't been able to put it back into her mouth was...can't think of a word, but I kept telling her it would be over shortly and she would be free of pain.

Once the doctor arrived, I carried her back to the place she hated to visit...the prep room. As the doctor prepared the sedation medicine and euthanasia medicine, we comforted her, telling her how loved she was. She had a hard time seeing, but her sense of smell was still powerful. When I moved away to sign the final papers, she began howling again. I put my hand over her snout and that immediately calmed her. I didn't move that hand until the very end. I had always told her I would be the last face she ever saw, and I kept that promise. At 10:10, she was gone. She was in a better place, free of pain, and able to play like she used to. We stayed with her while Dr. Chinn prepared the rest of the paperwork, and when it came time to put her in the bag, I was there to help. She will be cremated and her ashes will be kept with me, spreading some in Wyoming on the land she loved to run, chasing rabbits and getting sprayed by skunks.

Good-bye Magnolia, Pooh Bear, Pookie Bear, Maggie May...the list is long. She touched so many lives and I can say with certainty, she put a smile on everyone's face. She is something special and who ever she is with now, is so lucky to have her by their side! Thank you for being a part of my life and I love you SO much!