Thursday, June 18, 2009

Will I Be Successful or Be Of Value?

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” Albert Einstein.

This quote was in a tweet from Tony Robbins today. It rings particularly true for me.

My family was never one of means. Neither of my parents made a lot of money. In fact, we didn't have much money at all. But we were always provided for. Nevertheless, many folks would say he was not "successful". He had a failed business, in a second marriage, had fought alcohol and cigarette addiction. Not the textbook example of a "successful" man.

When my dad passed away a few years ago, I was honored to give the eulogy. It was a very difficult time for all of us, as you can imagine. I was seated on the front row in the church, along with the rest of my family. When the time came, I stood up, walked to the lectern, and turned to face the congregation. And what I saw almost took my breath away. There, in front of me, were all of our family members. But there were many, many more faces I didn't recognize. Row upon row of people I had never met, had no connection with. And they were there to honor my dad.

I had chosen to build my dad's eulogy around memories we all had of my dad. Funny stories, touching stories, all describing the kind of person my dad was. And all the while, I saw heads nodding, people smiling at the memories the stories elicited. Later, as we headed in the procession from the church to the cemetery for the interment ceremony, I looked in my rearview mirror. We had crossed a freeway overpass about a mile prior, and all I could see was cars in the procession from the overpass to my car. A long line of cars headed to my dad's final resting place.

At the reception afterward, I had dozens of people come up to me to say, "Hey, let me tell you a story about your dad", and every one of them was a warm, funny, telling story about the kind of person he was. And all had a common thread - they all told how my dad touched this person's life.

My dad was not "successful" in the financial sense. But he was of value - great value. He touched so many lives because he wasn't wrapped up in the money, the possessions, the material. He card about people. Was he a pain in the ass? Occasionally. But it came from a place of love, of caring. As I said in the eulogy, if you were in need, he was the kind of man that would give you the shirt off his back, and the back to go with it. His value to those around him was evident in the mass of people who came to pay their respects - and to make sure that I heard about how he had touched their lives.

This is where the rubber of the Einstein quote hits the road. It doesn't matter how much you amass in wealth, in possessions. It doesn't matter what kind of a "name" you make for yourself. What matters is whether you added value to the life of another. How have you served your fellow man? How have you touched the life of your friends, your loved ones? And how have you touched the lives of those who aren't family or friends.

And in the end, this makes the title of this post a moot point. Because if you do make yourself of value, if you do enrich the lives of those around you and make the world a better place, even just a little, then you are a success. I only hope I can meet the standards my dad set.

I love you Pops.

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