If you haven't found Pandora.com yet, try it. It's a blast. You pick an artist and it starts streaming music from that artist as well as similar artists. That's what I was doing tonight, as I played poker online. I had it streaming from my phone first, but when I got tired of headphones, I pulled up Pandora on my laptop.
That's when my dad paid a visit.
Understand, my dad passed away over five years ago. No, I didn't see a ghost, didn't hear a voice, nothing as "out there" as that. No, Pops visited me the way he usually does - with just a reminder.
For Pops' memorial service, I chose Billy Joel's "Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel)" to be sung during the mass. It was sung by a family friend with a beautiful voice. Not real smart on my part, as it hit me hard right before I was supposed to deliver the eulogy.
Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be
I was always picture Carolyn when I hear this song, and Pops. The lyrics are a dad trying to explain to his little girl about what inevitably happens. Our loved ones move on, leaving behind the others. And what we have left is memories. The harder times fade, and the good memories float to the surface.
But in our human selfishness, we want them back. We want to have that one more day, one more hour, one more minute with them. Another laugh, another hug. We want more than the memories.
It seems when times are tough, or stressful, or just confusing, Pops shows up. Tonight, when I opened up Pandora, "Lullaby" was the first song to play. Hi Pops.
It starts the tears coming in rivers down my face every time. It gets hard to breathe, to catch myself from sobbing uncontrollably. I miss Pops. And while these moments don't come as often, they still show up every once in a while.
And then I remember Pops. And the lyrics:
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be
Out of nowhere, Carolyn will ask about Pops, and I'll tell her how much he loved her, how happy he was with her. How he bounced her on his knee, singing to her. And as long as I can tell her those stories, he's right here.
And I hope that when my time is done, that Carolyn will sing a lullaby to her little one, and that she'll remember that I'll always be there with her as well.
Goodnight, Pops.
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